It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
