I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
