I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my poor anus
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
