I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
