While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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