Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Alive.
So much puke
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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