i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
