On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
