that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
