im holly from the hills drunk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
