how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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