its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
