just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
