I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
