this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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