you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
