he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
