i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
