I want you more than these girls want KFC
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
