So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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