That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
