There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
