Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
