Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
