Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
