So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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