call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
