Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
