I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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