Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
