You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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