When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
