There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
