saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
