you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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