I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
