omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
