he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
