Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
