What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
