she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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