the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
