I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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