I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
