Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I love you. Go after that dick
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
