I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
