Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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