I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
