I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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