I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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